“The particular egoic patterns that you react to most strongly in others and misperceive as their identity tend to be the same patterns that are also in you, but that you are unable or unwilling to detect within yourself.” ~ Eckhart Tolle from A New Earth.


This idea that what we find most annoying in others is really an indicator of what we find (unconsciously) most annoying in ourselves is a powerful one. 


Take a look at what bothers you in other people.


Many teachers, like relationship experts Gay & Katie Hendricks, call this “projecting.” We project our own issues onto others—we focus on the most unappealing aspects of another’s personality that mirrorour own challenges.


You annoyed when people are impatient? Guess what? Look at how you show up as an impatient jerk in your life more often than you’d like to admit and your reaction to “impatience” may just dissolve.


You annoyed when people are inauthentic? Are greedy? Are self-obsessed? 


Same thing. Look within. And watch your reactions dissolve.


This is a really powerful exercise.


Try it out. The next time you’re upset, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. (Then another one. 🙂 


Identify what it is you’re finding frustrating in the other person. Ask yourself, “How am I that?!?” And see how this is really just an issue YOU need to address in your life!!




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