Speaking of shadows, another really powerful way to deal with that dis-integrated murky stuff we project onto others is this little game I often play:
Think of someone who recently annoyed you. Identify what it is about them that *really* bugs you.
Are they greedy? Hyper-ambitious? Impatient? Do they cut people off in mid-sentence and never really listen? Do they act like they know it all?
What is it about ’em that gets you all wound up? Got it? Sweet. Now, ask yourself: “How am I that?!?” 🙂
And make that a practice. What you’ll notice, if you’re like me, is that we tend to be most annoyed by people who are demonstrating qualities that we are still working on.
Debbie Ford says it’s kinda like having electrical sockets on our chest. If we’ve recognized and accepted our own greed/selfishness/impatience/whatever, it’s as if we’ve put one of those child-proof covers over the socket and no one can “plug into” that energy—we may notice a certain quality in people but we’re no longer triggered by them.
BUT, run into someone who demonstrates qualities we *haven’t* integrated in our lives and yikes! They “plug into” that open socket and we get all pissy.
Again, the solution is (relatively) simple: Notice when you’re being super critical of other people and know that you’re just observing something within YOU that you need to address.Then celebrate the opportunity to grow as you count how many fingers are pointing back at you, attend your own lectures, and ask: “How am I that?!”